Respectful, Traditional & Considerate
Understanding Funeral Etiquette
Funerals are a time to show respect, offer comfort, and support the grieving. Whether you’re attending a service or reaching out from afar, understanding the do’s and don’ts of funeral etiquette can help ensure your presence is thoughtful and appropriate. The guidance below offers simple ways to honour the occasion with dignity and care.
DO the following:
Express your condolences – It’s not easy to come up with the words to offer sympathy to someone who has just lost a loved one. You don’t need to be a poet, simply saying something like “I am sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family” is enough. If you can’t be at a funeral service in person, sending a card or leaving a message on a memorial website is a perfect way to express your sympathy.
Sign the condolence book – The family will keep the condolence book as a memento for years. Be sure to include your full name and your address.
Give a gift – You don’t need to go overboard with your gift, after all it is the thought that counts. Suitable gifts include; flowers, a donation to the charity of the family’s choice, or you can make a commitment of service to the family at a later date. A commitment of service can be something as little as cooking them dinner, or offering to clean up their house. Make sure you provide a signed card so the family knows who gave the gift.
Keep in touch – You may feel that the family needs their space and time to grieve, but a simple phone call or note after the funeral lets the family know you care. With social networking leaving a quick note is as simple as a click of a mouse. The months after a death are when grieving friends and family need the most support.
Dress appropriately – For family members, gone are the days of dressing up in all black for a funeral, but overly casual isn’t exactly acceptable either. You should still dress appropriately. Wearing what you would wear to a formal event would be the most appropriate. In some cases there may have been a request from the deceased to wear bright colours or less formal attire.
DON’T do the following:
Bring your mobile phone – Your phone ringing will be highly inappropriate and will cause a disturbance, so turn any ringers or notifications off. Even better, leave your phone at home or in your car, a funeral is not the time to be texting or checking your messages.
Be afraid to remember the good times – Funerals are obviously a time of grieving and mourning, but remembering the good times helps with the healing process. Sharing a funny and appropriate story is acceptable, and in some cases exactly what the deceased would have wanted.
Allow your children to be a distraction – From a very young age children are aware of death, and if the funeral is for someone that was close to them they can be given the option to attend. However if it is not appropriate for your child to be there, and if you feel they will cause a commotion, leave them with a babysitter.
Overindulge – If food or drink is served, do not over do it. Have a bite to eat before you go to the service, you do not want to be that guy parked at the table. If alcohol is served, limit yourself to one or two, do not become inebriated and risk doing something inappropriate.
